by Linda Ikeji
Musician, Charles Oputa aka Charlie Boy, is recounting how he felt when his last daughter, Dewy, came out to him as a lesbian.
In a post shared on his Facebook page this morning, Charlie Boy said when she initially came out to him, he was confused and asked himself some questions as to what he might have done wrong to have a gay child. The singer and activist says that he looks back now and is grateful for the experience of having a lesbian child.
His post reads
”For Parents Only.
About 4yrs ago, my last Princess of the house called me from America, from her tone I was bracing up for whatever she was about to tell me especially when she kept saying to me, “daddy promise me you won’t get mad at me, or give up on me”
I am close with my children and I love dem to bits. They are my friend. But I wasn’t really ready for the “breaking news” my Princess Dewy had for me.
When my child told me she is gay, a lesbian, I experienced a range of emotions, during dat phone conversation.
So many things went through my mind, one of them included self-blame (“Did I do something wrong?”) (“The child I thought I knew and loved no longer exists.”), worry (“Will my child be discriminated against?) religious confusion (“Is my child damned to spend eternity in hell?”), and stigma (“What will people think of my child? Of me?”).
However, I kept pinching myself to calm down because I didn’t want my baby to shy away from me or for us to have a strained relationship. I loved my baby far too much.
I first took a deep breath. And all I could say was, “are you sure?”
I was hoping it was a prank but it was happening in real time.
Even though I was unusually calm through that conversation, my mind was wondering in all direction.
Months before this incident, I was lending my voice in support of LGTB rights in Nigeria.
Is life playing tricks on me. Now my daughter is gay, why do I feel disappointed? Am I a hypocrite? How do I handle this bomb shell?
I have faced many challenges in my life and won, I was determined to win this too. All I want is my Princesses Love, happiness and Success in her life anything else is secondary. I told myself that I will get through this, and many months later I did.
As a matter of fact, I now look back and find that I am grateful for the experience of having a gay or lesbian child.
Nothing can come between me and any of my beautiful children. It is stupid to even think that having a gay child means that parents have failed. That’s some pedestrian thinking.
Me, I love my gay daughter oooo because she has put some colors into my life too.
Acceptance of the truth is like surgery. It hurts but cures. Lie is like a pain killer. It gives instant relief but it’s side effects can last forever.
I am proud when I say,
God has brought peace to my confusion, joy to my sadness and hope to my heart.
I love you Dewy”
Dewy and her partner